i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
