Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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