I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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