A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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