awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
All the doctor said was why
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
