She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
