Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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