he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
