I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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