i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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