Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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