I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
