Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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