my phone needs a breathalizer
I should be sponsored by Trojan
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The struggles of a small town man whore
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
