i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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