We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
