We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
