my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
