I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
