The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
