I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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