Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
In other news, I just burned my penis
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
