I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
