So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
