Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
3pm strippers are depressing
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
