Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
