How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
