the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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