I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
