i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
