i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
