There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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