I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
