if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Pants are for mortals
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
