I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
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