when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
