I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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