You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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