if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
