just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
