i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
