Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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