I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
