That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
