Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
