If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
even my farts smell like vagina
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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