Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
