That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
