Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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