I take back everything I said about communal showers
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Still dying that you shit outside
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
