Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
