I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
