i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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