Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
