If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Can I color on your dick again?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
