What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
