True but thats because hes a fetus.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
