6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
They have beer where we have blood.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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