Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
