every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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