I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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