The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
