chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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