Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
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