fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
