Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize