I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
